just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
