Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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