too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
