ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
