I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
