FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
