Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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