It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
