listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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