No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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