You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
