Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
