My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
