My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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