woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize