WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
