i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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