some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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