she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
