the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
