Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
