Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
