Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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