dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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