Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
