In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
