I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
