Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
