Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
