Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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