I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
