brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
