Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize