I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize