I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
