dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
