My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
