i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
