my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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