Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
