I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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