and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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