Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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