When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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