I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
where does the pee come out of this thing
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
