My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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