Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need a burrito and a hug.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
