no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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