I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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