im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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