The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
