I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize