Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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