I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
