That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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