sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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