yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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