there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
