I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
