I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
