I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i've created a new STD.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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