im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He kissed a someone with a penis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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