I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
