Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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