Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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