I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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