i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
