I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
