The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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