So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
