$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
