People in love make me want to vomit
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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